Badass Anniversary - A Musical Tribute to Love & A Plea to Our Straight Allies
- CC
- Jun 19
- 13 min read
"She's The Best Part Of Me" 🎶 A Musical Tribute To Love 🏳️🌈 ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🩵🤍🩷🖤🤎🌈
Before I bury the lead, this post was meant to be a musical tribute to love. Simple, right? Wrong. You see, a few months back, I wrote a song for Doc, about our relationship and the beauty of the love we share - and I wanted to share it with you. But then, in the course of creating the music video, I realized that while no one can take our love away, our government and the Christian Nationalists running it, are trying (and succeeding) in rolling back all of the rights we fought so hard to gain in the last 25 years - actually 50 years - but who's counting, right?! One of those rights, is the right to marry the person we love. So please, enjoy the song! Then, READ THIS POST!
Our love has outlasted countless heterosexual friends relationships and marriages. It speaks for itself. But just in case you still don’t get it, I hope this song will help you see…
Rewatch the music video on the "CCnDoc Music" playlist on our YouTube Channel!
June Is A Busy Month 🎂🏳️🌈💙💪
June is a big month around here. It's my Birthday month (6/7), it's National Cancer Survivor's month - National Cancer Survivor's day fell on my bday this year, which was pretty cool. It's also the month I celebrate my REbirth Day or "Good Job Not Dying Day" (6/15), this year I celebrated 4 years of remission from stage 3b Rectal Cancer. YAY! It's also PRIDE MONTH and the anniversary of our Federally Recognized marriage... 🏳️🌈 ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🩵🤍🩷🖤🤎🌈
Nothing says "Happy Anniversary" like the threat of losing your rights
Almost 25 years ago, after three years of working together, Doc and I realized there was more to our working relationship than friendship. Over the course of the last quarter century as a same-sex couple, we’ve watched the US go from marginally accepting (depending on where you lived), to accepting, and now we’ve regressed beyond where it was in 2002, when we started our lives together. (Sources: Gallup/Erin In The Morning) Believe me, I never thought I'd be waxing nostalgic about the level of LGBTQ+ acceptance in 2002! 🤦♀️
The level of hate now released in this country toward our people, is as surreal as it is horrifying. It has been both modeled and encouraged from the very top.
Book bans, Pride flag bans, and rainbow crosswalk bans are in full swing, our alphabet and many other words have been removed from government websites, research studies focusing on LGBTQ+ people (including cancer research) have been defunded and halted, Hate crimes are up. State and federal protections are going away...
Imagine being so afraid of LOVE & RAINBOWS, that you feel the need to remove them all. 🌈 Or worse, claim that God meant them for you, and no one else.
Whether you want to believe it or not, our people, our rights, our very lives are under attack more than ever before. The Lemkin Institute has already raised alarms that the US is well into the stages of genocide for the Trans segment of our population - and the beginning stages for LGBTQ+ people as a whole. As for the L's & G's? Our marriages are next, and with them 1138 other rights will go, too. As a cancer survivor, one of those could be the right for one of us to care for the other, medically. There is a case at the high court now that could make this a reality again. Think about that. Imagine not being able to care for your spouse if they fell ill. Imagine not being able to visit your spouse in the hospital because they are not considered "immediate family." Imagine me going through cancer treatment 5 years ago, without her! I can’t!
Our Marriage Equality Timeline
Over the years we’ve had:
🏳️🌈 1 private commitment vows ceremony in 2003, we conducted ourselves in the rose garden at Butch Art Gardens, Victoria BC.
🏳️🌈 2 Holy unions 2004 & 2005 - Both as part of a Pride Protest to prove that we can be just as “Christian” in our couple-hood as the straight folks - Both in Colorado Springs, CO - A VERY conservative city in Colorado and home of several major Christian Nationalist organizations.
🏳️🌈 A renewal of vows ceremony at our 5 year anniversary (2007) - with a minister at our home in Pueblo, CO.
🏳️🌈 Our wedding on Juneteenth (6/19) 2008, conducted by a judge and attended by my sister, in San Francisco, CA - which was one of the few places in the country where it was allowed (and only until Prop 8 passed in CA) - as it was not yet federally legal.
🏳️🌈 A civil union on CO in 2013, because it was the only way to get rights in our state at that time. Colorado - what most people view as a BLUE state - just removed its same sex marriage ban from the books by citizen vote in 2024.
🏳️🌈 And finally, our FEDERALLY RECOGNIZED marriage, which was the marriage from San Francisco, but wasn’t recognized by the US until 2015.
ALL OF THIS IN AN ATTEMPT TO GAIN THE RIGHTS THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN OURS SIMPLY BY BEING AMERICANS, HUMANS, and that we had WITHOUT QUESTION when we were both married to men.
🏳️🌈 In fact, we still count the day we got together as our true anniversary (2/20/2002) because as you can imagine, we’ve never been able to trust any of these other dates!
The Legal Acrobatics
…And if you think that’s a lot, also consider the amount of money we’ve had to spend on estate planning, legal paperwork, medical and financial powers of attorney, wills, trusts, healthcare, taxes and so on… Just to protect ourselves, our assets, and our inheritance, throughout the years. We were lucky because we had the means to do so - others, not so much. And now, after 11 years of reprieve, we are back in that same place again, but worse. Disheartening doesn’t even come close to describing it...
...The day you realize that you may have to leave the country of your birth, just to be safe from your own government and countrymen/women, is a sad day indeed. I'm certain that every person who ever fled their country in fear thought, "It will get better. I don't want to have to leave my home, my family, my belongings... Someone will save us, something will change. This can't be happening..." And yet, the writing appears to be on the wall. It took 16 years for the pendulum to finally swing back in Hungary. We are only a year and a half into this. I don't know about you, but I don't have that kind of time to waste on uncertainty.
If you want a list of the coordinated attacks on LGBTQ+ people and the legal and social acrobatics that have occurred in the last 10 months to get us to this place - and how they will play out - Angela Giampolo, a seasoned human rights attorney who now specializes in LGBTQ+ planning and estate law - @YourGayLawyer on social media - lays it all out here. The folks plotting against us are more organized and well-funded than ever, and they have the support of the highest echelons of our government.
The Cancer Angle
Adding the cancer spin to it, I was lucky that the providers in my area were largely accepting - shout out to the UC Health Parkview Medical System and Rocky Mountain Cancer Center - Pueblo. But many LGBTQ+ cancer survivors are impacted negatively by the lack of protections and the backwards thinking in general, that leads to barriers to care as compared to their straight/cis counterparts. I have heard stories from friends treated so badly that have made me cry, and others that have made me fume.
The Plea
Challenging people to think outside themselves these days is a big ask. So, if you don’t care about us. Ok. We can accept that. But you can: 1) Leave us alone 2) Stop fucking with our rights 3) Pay attention, and stop listening to baseless propaganda that preys on your ignorance and counts on your fear. Because what happens to one, eventually happens to all.
And, If you do care about us, then for once, please consider the following...
Your Vote Still Matters - For Now
And yes. My final plea, is for your vote - especially those of you who don't vote or have never voted - you know who you are. Now is the time! You will be the difference in the midterms - especially if you are white. And, you may truly not get this opportunity again - especially if you are a married female who took your husband's name, or if you are someone who does not have a passport. So, as primaries and midterms approach, Doc and I implore you to understand what is at stake. Not just for us, but for all Americans.
Outside of the primary (which often requires you to vote, based on your voters registration - party affiliation), you do NOT have to vote for the party you are registered for in the general election - some people honestly don't realize that. You CAN VOTE FOR WHOMEVER YOU WANT regardless of your party affiliation on your voters card.
Not Your Grandparents Republican Party
I understand that for some of you, voting republican is a legacy. A heritage. But folks, believe me when I tell you these are no longer your grandparent's republicans - and if you don't believe me, believe Mitch Jackson. They are not "Reagan Republicans" either. This is a completely different breed, and unless we all come together to vote for policy, human decency, the constitution, and the greater good of our country, the atrocities we are seeing will continue - and I'm not just talking about LGBTQ+ people anymore. Anyone actively exercising their right to free speech is now a target - we are fast approaching another McCarthy Era.
I agree that we have a broken system. The people who are supposed to be providing checks and balances right now, are not. I don't love it either, but I also know that given our two party and electoral college systems, we have painted ourselves into a very dangerous corner. The ONLY WAY to change it now, is to make a BLUE WAVE 🌊 (vote BLUE straight ticket), and then we hope that they can get their shit together enough to stop the madness, and then really do the work to change so many of our broken systems. I know what it sounds like. I know what WE sound like. Believe me, I never thought this would be how I would spend my life post-cancer and post-retirement, but here we are...
...Fighting like hell for our right to exist in a country that we love, but no longer loves us back. In 2026. Let that sink in.
What's In It For You?
If you're like most people today, your motivation for doing the right thing often hinges on what's in it for you. The best way that I can put it is that authoritarianism is a slippery slope to the rest of you. Yes, it may start with a marginalized group that makes up 1% of the population (Trans folks) or even 10% of the population (LGBTQ+ folks), but it almost always extends to WOMEN (it already is through abortion bans and the pending SAVE Act) , people of color (gerrymandering), immigrants, the elderly and more. In fact, Medicaid was first, but now that they have said out loud that the social security and medicare you've paid into your entire working life is an "entitlement," it's prepping you, because it's the next thing on their chopping block. In part because the Big Bill they passed triggers something called the S-PAYGO act, which requires cuts into the billions this year and over the next decade (because they increased the deficit, again). But what you also may not know is that most cuts won't be seen until after the midterms - that was purposeful.
How Important are YOUR rights to you?
And just this week, 15 people were arrested in MN for exercising their first amendment rights. A few months back it was 8 people Texas. Then 6 people in Chicago. These aren't high level enemies of a regime. They are everyday people like you and me. Since when in America, do we not have the right to FREE SPEECH? Since now. Add to that, non-profit organizations (especially those focused on helping the LGBTQ+ population) are also being targeted. None of it is legal, but since when does that matter anymore? Don't believe me? Let HCR, Senator Slotkin and Richard Gephardt (remember him?) tell you all about it...
How to Stand Up For What's Right
It's hard, right? Standing up for what's right. Speaking up. Not living in denial. When I used to teach HS English I had a banner in my classroom that said, "What is Easy is Not Always Right and What is Right is Not Always Easy." It sticks to me to this day. My background as an executive coach tells me that most people know WHAT they should do, but they often don't know the HOW. So I'm going to help you with that.
If I had a dollar for every person who said, "That can't happen, they can't do that, they won't do that, it will be fine, you're overreacting..." after the 2024 election, I'd be wealthy. And here we are. My comment to that is a line from one of my songs: "I'm not overreacting, maybe you're underreacting." (Can't Stop Cryin' from the Album, "The United States Of Anxiety") Almost every "they can't", and "that's not legal", has since become, they can, they will, they are, they did, and they don't care. So what now? The definition of allyship is NOT simply ❤️-ing your queer friend's posts once in a while. Allyship is also a verb. So how can you be a better LGBTQ+ ally?
Start with your own messaging. Do you support us or not? Say so. In person, to us, to other people, on social media. Make it known that you are an ally. There are plenty of posts floating around for allies to share this time of year.
Elevate LGBTQ+ platforms by not just liking, but sharing other's posts on your social media timelines. It matters!
Intervene when you see or hear other people disparaging all or part of our population or our lives. You know us, we are lesbians, we are married - how "normal" are we to you? In other words, are we more like you or less? Do we match a stereotype or is that BS?
USE THE WORDS: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Partner, Spouse, Wife, Husband are not bad words in the LGBTQ+ community. Use them! Don't skirt the subject by introducing your daughter's spouse as your "other daughter" - even if you think it's a term of endearment, it also says, I'm not comfortable enough with their relationship to say the word spouse/wife/partner or daughter-in-law out loud, in front of other people. Would you introduce a son-in-law as your "other son?" if your daughter was married to a man? (The only exception to this is if you yourself live in a place where doing so could put YOU in danger. We get that.)
If you don't understand something, ASK! Most of us are willing to talk about our lives, marriages, love, and yes, even gender if you are truly seeking to understand rather than condemn or dismiss.
If you are Christian - study and understand the "clobber passages" so you can defend us to people who would play God. There are plenty of resources out there that put those passages back into context and that show beyond a shadow of a doubt, God loves us all and created us in his image.
If you agree with our concerns, if you see how scary things are getting for us, if you understand how we might be fearful, angry, or sad, please say something to us! We NEED to know that you support us! Avoiding the subject just makes us think that you don't care (or worse, that you don't see) and eventually, we WILL pull away from you.
Stop disagreeing with your LGBTQ family & friends. Unless you have walked in their shoes, or are LGBTQ+ yourself, you have no idea what their experience has been. When you avoid, minimize, or deny their experiences, it says more about you than it does about them. You can agree to disagree, but you should always validate another person's experience.
Don't pretend to be an ally. It's better if you simply say (and accept for yourself) that you're not an ally, and walk away. If you don't believe that every person deserves the same rights and privileges as everyone else, then this is no longer a debate over politics. It's a difference in morals, and intrinsic values, and we are not the same.
Please VOTE for policy not people, for country over politics, and for equal rights for all. Vote for the people who will support the people you love, not harm them.
DONATE! There are so many legal battles to be fought right now, so much education that needs to happen and SO MANY LGBTQ people who need help navigating this landscape of hate. You can even donate to some non-profits anonymously through SilentDonor.com. Some organizations that could really use your help right now are:
Trevor Project
GLAAD
PFLAG
Rainbow Railroad
ACLU
Lambda Legal
One Colorado
The Human Rights Campaign (HRC)
Cheeky Charity (Colorectal Cancer Focused LGBTQ+ Charity)
The Center (LGBTQ+ Cancer)
LGBTQ+ Fam - Get Your Paperwork In Order!
A word of advice to the LGBTQ fam. Get your paperwork in order, NOW! If you need assistance with your legal paperwork, we highly recommend Angela Giampolo and her Giampolo Law Group. She has a special segment for our population called "Pride Plans" where she provides estate planning documents - powers of attorney, hospital visitation forms, trusts - the only current legal protection for those of us in same sex marriages - for a reasonable price. And she conducts a bi-weekly "Queer & A" Zoom where she discusses the current legal cases throughout the US, and their impacts to our community. She also helps single LGBTQ+ persons with their legal paperwork. Angela is not sponsoring this post. We share this information because it is so very important for every LGBTQ+ person and couple to be aware of and to have resources. We are not being paid to share Angela's information. We simply know her to be trustworthy, and someone who is doing the right thing for the right reasons.
🎵 More CCnDoc Music 🎵
I have been writing songs for months now - it's become my therapy - and I recently complied them all on our website for FREE STREAMING. You can also download and buy the tunes if you so desire. You can find them all HERE - Protest Songs & Pride Songs included! If you love a song, you can share it to Facebook or X so your friends can enjoy it, too!
HAPPY PRIDE!
Love Is Love | We've always been here
🏳️🌈 ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜🩵🤍🩷🖤🤎🌈
Remember, Pride is also a protest.
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